Friday, December 28, 2007

Nice pictures of horses and four legged things covered in fur and that

All done by photographer Tim Flach. You just know he's got a cracking girlfriend and a boss house as well. Meanwhile, I ate Super Noodles tonight.

Thursday, December 27, 2007

Old Britain
Nice pictures from the Times of early 20th Century Britain. All the buildings below were demolished by go-ahead ’60s architects in big glasses and slacks with wives called Jan.

Liverpool Customs House
My home city is full of amazing buildings – and despite their best efforts, the council only managed to destroy half of them after the war. The other pics are of Bristol and Coventry's Bull Ring. The Luftwaffe may have had a go at flattening the cities of this country but post-war councilors made the sure the job was finished. Bet they all knocked off at five o'clock too.

Seven Things You’ll Only Find in a Girls Bedroom

Crap Stereo
While you will quite happily spunk every spare penny you’ve got in the pursuit of hi-fi perfection, women take a more realistic view to their bedroom sound systems. In place of your Sennheiser headphones, Cambridge Audio amps and ten grand Linn turntable, girls are more than happy to make do with an Alba shoebox with a digital clock on the front and two gay speakers in pale blue. Though as the only things they listen to on it are either the Bridget Jones Diary soundtrack or the Saturday Night Slag Mix on Heart FM, it’s probably not that important.

Clip Frame Photo Montage
Open the door of any woman’s bedroom between the ages of 16 and 28 and you will be greeted with a huge clip frame crammed with pictures of various guffawing lummoxes from university or that trip Thailand. ‘Oh that,’ she’ll tell you, ‘is Ben, who like we met in Chang Mai? And the girl with like, the red hair, that is Jen, she is sooo my best friend?’ What she forgets to tell you is that a) “Ben” gave her genital warts, b) “Jen” is only there because she’s a moose who makes her look better in photos and c) her embarrassingly crass display will last until she buys her first copy of Elle Decoration and realises that sticking up photos is about as sophisticated as covering your bed in an Indian throw and lighting joss sticks.

Pile of Shoes
Man may have conquered Everest and made light work of K2, but as yet no human male has managed to come near the to scaling the heights of the shoe mountain that lies in every woman’s room. A gargantuan stack of assorted bits of over-priced leather and plastic, these towering alps of crap are testament to woman’s inability to resist the lure of the Office ‘Not That Much Cheaper Than Normal’ sale. You’d think that something that is invested in so heavily would be minutely catalogued, but the shoe mountain magically consumes single high heels and clogs by the dozen, leaving its owner with no choice to buy yet another pair – once they’ve checked whether Kate Moss is wearing them or not.

Athena Picture
While you’re more than happy to paper your walls with pics of not-quite-pornography or cheap-looking ’80s airbrushed posters of a Ferrari, women like to do things a bit more tastefully. Forgetting for a minute that their lives are very bit as sordid as ours, your typical young female will try and turn her damp-ridden box room into an enticing boudoir by Blu-Taccing some ‘iconic’ black and white poster over the big crack in the wall. Originating in horrendous ’80s shop Athena, these pictures take two forms; either a faux-intimate photo of some good looking couple having a phoney embrace or a body builder carrying two tyres out of a garage whilst wearing a pair of dungarees with one strap undone. Fatties always go for the latter.

Loads of Unread Books
Women love books, but find a woman who says she’s read all her library and I’ll show you a liar. While girls say that they’re into all sort of literary matter, like blokes, women actually read two types of book: a) rip-off self-help tomes written by over-earnest Americans with chubby fingers and b) brainless ‘chick-lit’ paperbacks about brainless bints who spend too much of their time buying H&M dresses and shagging blokes called Dan who live in north London. Needless to say, the biggest part of the unread pile is the one made up of brain-numbing Victorian ‘classics’ by antique literary boots like the Brontés or Jane Austin – all bought on a whim after seeing that twat from Fever Pitch emerge from a pond with his knob showing through his breeches that time on BBC 2.

Cuddly Toys
When you first meet a girl, her winning cocktail of filthy bedroom antics, dirty talk and liberal attitudes to rubbing her boobs with HP Sauce will have you thinking that you’ve just stumbled into an affair with a woman who lists her occupation as ‘fantastic lay’. Sadly, as time goes on, the suspenders and dildos disappear to be replaced by a menagerie of aged cuddly toys of every hue. Instead of a hand job under the duvet before work, the only person now getting any action off your missus is the stinking, one-eyed teddy she’s had for 30 years. No wonder the little twat’s got a smile on his face.

Old Cups of Coffee

Let’s face it, we men are beasts – happy to inhabit an environment where an old pizza box becomes a valued item of furniture and hardcore porn is ideal communal tea-time viewing. Women are obviously leagues ahead of us in this field, but their cleanliness achilles heel is just as disgusting as the embedded, second-hand ‘American Hot’: namely the ciggie-strewn cup of coffee. Most young women would balk at the idea of gardening, but every bird’s bedroom is strewn with half-full mugs that not only carry some horrendous cocktail of Nescafé and Silk Cut, but provide an ideal environment for killer bacteria to grow with impunity. Something to remember as you slurp on what you think is a fresh cup tomorrow, only to find out that you’ve just taken the an irreversible step toward terminal salmonella poisoning.

Friday, December 21, 2007

The ice tram of old St Petersburg

The winters were so cold in the foggy olden days that the city of St Petersburg used to lay a track on the iced-up river so they could put a tram on it. More at the excellent englishrussia

BMW: Artists get all Max Power on some Bad Man Wagons and don't get called townies

Not sure what the point of these resprays are but they look ace. Still get laughed out of town down Southend mind. From Wallpaper's rather nice site – along with some articles about uncomfortable sofas and 24 page essays on health centres in Finland.

Swiss Army Knifeageddon

Makes all other other knives – and indeed anything else – redundant. More here

Thursday, December 20, 2007

The bridge that looks like a plastic donut

Boss look-at-me-bridge in Graz, Austria. Built in 2003, it's been a tourist attraction ever since. Beats that one that looks like an eye in "NewcastleGateshead".

The Bible According To Google Earth

How the big events in the Bible would have looked to the Big Feller upstairs if he had access to a decent laptop. More on who actually did it here.

From the top: The Crucifixion, The Garden of Eden, Noah's Ark and Moses parting the Red Sea

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Mexico/US Border

Brilliant set of pics of the frontier between the hot dog-eating fatties and the taco-munching wannabe-fatties. No wonder the Yanks can't keep them out, my gran could jump over that fence. Find the rest of the set here at Polarinteria.

Best Places To Live In The World

Amazing set of pics from Your Number One Source For Information. There's 15 in all.

Having said that I'd rather live somewhere near a good boozer, Chinese takeaway and a decent branch of Spar. Plus, you'd have fuck all to do at the weekends as well.

Monday, December 17, 2007

French Nuclear Tests From the ’70s

Europe's hardest shitbags take their anger out on some highly threatening palm trees and blokes in canoes.

Bollocks to all that 'working with animals' shit – look what happened to a poor, unsuspecting vet when he went to help old big teeth here at a zoo in Taiwan. If this was my arm the scaly twat would be on my missus' wrist for life – as a handbag. The pic won AFP pic of the year, which will be a consolation to the bloke with one arm. Sort of. More here.

Relative problem: Stupid siblings of the American political elite

Intro: With Fidel Castro’s uninspiring (and sinister) brother Raul looking increasingly like he’ll be taking over the Cuban presidency on a full time
basis, we look back on the siblings of US leaders who’ve embarrassed their powerful brothers.

Name: Neil Bush
Brother of: George Bush
While Dubya’s brother Jeb followed the family tradition of going into politics, younger sibling Neil went straight into the world of business. He first came to attention when he was fined $50,000 for his role in a banking scandal in the 1980s, but his real moment in the sun came during divorce proceedings from his wife, Sharon. In the late ’90s, Bush admitted to sleeping with several ‘mysterious’ women who just showed up at his hotel in rooms in Thailand and Hong Kong. ‘You have to admit it’s a pretty admirable thing for a man just to go to hotel room door and open it and have a women standing there and have sex with her,’ said Sharon’s lawyer. ‘It was very unusual,’ replied Bush.

Name: Roger Clinton
Brother of: Bill Clinton
Known as ‘Headache’ by the secret service, Roger spent a year in jail for cocaine trafficking when Bill was governor of Arkansas, leading him to admit that he had a “walk-in closet of skeletons”. When Bill made the White House, Roger tried to get into showbusiness, landing a role in as ‘Mayor Bubba’ and signing a record deal. President Clinton did pardon his brother for the cocaine offence near the end of his term of office, but a fight at an LA nightclub and a charge of drunk driving soon landed Roger back in trouble with the law.

Name: Billy Carter
Brother of: Jimmy Carter
When Jimmy Carter was elected in 1976, brother Billy decided that he would make a career out of making his brother as embarrassed as possible, boasting, amongst other things, that he smoked pot in the White House. It got better as Bill started to cash in on his brother’s celebrity, launching his own brand of lager and writing a book, ‘Redneck Power: The Wit and Wisdom of Billy Carter’. His final action was to take a $200,000 loan from the Libyan government, forcing him to register as an agent for the African nation.

Name: Raul Castro
Brother of: Fidel Castro
While Fidel grew up as the ace of his family, excelling in school and launching a successful socialist revolution in 1959, younger brother Raul hung around the background, forever his famous brothers ‘plus one’. Over the last forty odd years, Raul has made his name as an enthusiastic communistic and even more enthusiastic executioner, known for his devotion to Marxism and the joys that can be found in the bottom of a glass. A ponderous and dull individual.

Amazing Streets

From weburbanist.